I Grow To Be A Child

I once was an infant, so calm and sweet

In my loving mother's arms.

She nursed me, bathed me

And wrapped me in a blanket, snug and warm.

I once was a toddler, so innocent and loved

On my loving father's shoulders.

He taught me, carried me, and lead me

As we caught fish from our canoe.

I grew to be her princess, so mystified and shy

In my loving family's home.

Sister brushed my hair and dressed me

In all her favorite dresses, and we were princesses.

I grew to be his admirer, so awed and intrigued

In my loving family's home.

Brother gave me remotes and video games

To play for hours, sometimes to our heart's content.

I grew to watch my siblings, so saddened and confused

In my aging family's home.

Sister didn't play with me, she had other friends

And boys she liked, boys that liked her back.

I grew to watch my siblings, so heartbroken and afraid

In my aging family's home.

Brother shut me out, in his room he stayed alone

To mourn his broken heart, while mine was breaking too.

I grew to meet the other kids, so excited and abound

In my cheerful neighborhood.

They played together, they seemed so happy

I wanted to play as well, to laugh with joy like them.

I grew to meet the other kids, so afraid and confused

In their exclusive neighborhood.

They threw things at me, called me names and laughed at me

As I could only run away, wondering what was wrong.

I grew to be an outcast, so confused and lost

In my cold world.

I lost myself in sadness, as I lay at night

Wondering, what exactly was it? What was wrong...with me?

I grew to be their by-stander, so empty and cold.

In my quiet family's home.

No one ate together, they were all so busy

Working all the time, going off with friends.

I grew to be their weirdo, so ashamed and nervous

In my crowded family's home.

Relatives came over, to them I'd try to talk

Only to be mocked and shut down, for love-lives are more important.

I grew to be their hermit, so alone and still ashamed

In my peaceful bedroom.

Laughing and talking loudly, I hear them from my room

As they converse below me, I wish that I could too.

I grew to be their lesbian, so quiet and self-kept

In my whispering family's home.

They wondered about me, why I didn't speak of boys

Because simply I didn't, though I had one in mind.

I grew to be his stalker, so creepy and so weird

In my chattering school.

He said that I was making moves, fantasizing,

Trying to “get in his pants”, though all I'd done was be his friend.

I grew to be their “druggie”, so pained and agonized

In their ignorant community.

My eyes became my enemy, as the lights and pain came in,

Then took away everything I cared about; my grades, my talents, respect...

I grew to be their burden, so depressed and low

In my fearful home.

Mother tried to help me, she tried to understand

Her princess who lay in bed, unable to open her eyes.

I grew to be their “vampire”, so sensitive and unhealthy

In my worried home.

The sunlight gave me migraines, so I had to wait

Until the evening came to start my day.

I grew to be their problem, so indifferent and carefree

In my stormy home.

Father was frustrated, he had to pay the bills

So he yelled at me for “not trying” and for being weak.

I grew to be an idiot, so gullible and flattered

In my best friend's mind.

He knew my body was weak and frail,

So he said he loved me, and invited me to his house.

I grew to be his “option”, so oblivious and trusting

In his dirty home.

He wanted me, I said no, he didn't care, and my body froze

In my fear, then...he got what he wanted.

I grew to be his trash, so used and broken

In my shattered mind.

The blade pierced my flesh, it was a distraction

From the nightmare he'd left behind.

I grew to be a loner, so hopeless and in pain

In my cold but welcoming bed.

My blankets embraced me as I cried to sleep,

Hoping that I'd never wake again.

I grew to be her child, so lonely and afraid

In my saddened mother's eyes.

She pulled the blankets from my covered head, to see my empty eyes

And bandaged the arms of which I cut, and kissed my tear-stained face.

I grew to be his child, so forgotten and left behind

In my saddened father's eyes.

He realized his mistake of judgment, and much to my surprise

He told me he was sorry, and he would make this right.

I grow to be their child, still loved and protected

In my loving home.

Mother holds me in her arms and strokes my hair

And I lean my head on Father's strong shoulder.

I grow to be a child, forever and infinitely

In this cruel world.

I have my love for Mother, Father, and their love for me

And I have my love for Brother, Sister, wherever they may be.